Mette Hvied Lauesen • Industriparken 4 • 2750 Ballerup • Denmark 

+45 26 18 61 90 • mhl(a)mettehl.dk • CVR: 27531385 • Bankkonto: 9070 1629896046

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Alting har en pris / There's always a price to pay

 

 

En stor del af coachingens væsen er at få afklaret, hvad en konkret ”pris” for en konkret forandring. Det siger sig selv: Du kan ikke få en forandring, uden at noget skal ændres. Og det, der skal ændres, er typisk noget, du enten er vant til, kan lide, kender eller finder bekvemt. Også selv om det i bund og grund er ubehageligt: Nogle kvinder finder konsekvent mænd, der slår dem. Det er et mønster, de kender. Det er dårligt for dem selv, men der er noget velkendt i det mønster. Andre kan ikke stoppe med at ryge eller tabe sig. Her kan både mad og cigaretter være erstatning for noget, de mangler, som de ikke er bevidste om. Det kan for nogen være en chokerende opdagelse at finde ud af, at det som de allerhelst vil, betyder, at der er noget andet, de skal sige farvel til.

 

Lad mig komme med nogen eksempler:

  • Hvis man ønsker sig større frihed i livet, så kan det godt betyde, at man ikke kan bo i sit store hus med to biler og de mange skiferier. Med mindre man kender en god måde at vinde en masse millioner på selvfølgelig og forbinder penge med frihed.
     

  • Hvis man ønsker sig mere selvrespekt, så kan det godt være, at man skal skippe nogen fra sin omgangskreds, som kun dræner en og ikke nærer en.
     

  • Hvis man ønsker at tabe sig, så nytter det ikke noget at fortsætte med at spise junkfood – heller ikke selv om det både er nemt og billigt.

 

Der, hvor forandringen – også – er møgbesværlig, er, at man typisk skal af med en vane for at få sig en ny. En vane er en meget fasttømret del af, hvad man gør i hverdagen, og typisk så siger man, at en adfærd skal erstattes med en anden. Og det tager både tid og besvær. Hvis man er meget motiveret for noget, så kan man ændre en vane på et minut. Fx som et familiemedlem fik at vide af sin læge: ”Du kan vælge mellem dine ben eller cigaretterne.” Hun lagde cigaretterne på hylden lige der. Det handlede om hendes overlevelse og dermed den ultimative motivation.

 

For de fleste handler det at bryde vaner og mønstre om, hvor motiveret man er, hvad man har gjort før i sit liv for at ændre ”plejer” og hvor ofte, man har gjort det. Der er ingen faste regler for, hvor lang tid det tager eller hvor store ofre, du skal bringe.

 

Sammen med en god coach kan du finde præcis det, der skal til, for at du kan ændre dine vaner. Kun du ved det, der skal til – og der er altid en pris.
 

 

There’s always a price to pay

 

A great deal of the nature of coaching is to get specific on what a particular ”price” is for a particular change. It goes without saying: you can’t get a certain change without changing something that you do now. And what you need to change is typically something you’re used to, you like, you know very well or something you find convenient. Even if at the of the day it’s bad for you: Some women consistently find men that beat them. It’s a pattern they know. It’s very bad for them but it’s a familiar pattern. Others can’t stop smoking or lose weight. In this case cigarettes or food can be substitutes for something they need and which they’re not conscious about. To some people it’s shocking to find out that what they really want the most means they will have to let go of other things.

 

Let me give you a few examples:

  • If you want greater freedom in life, it may mean that you cannot live in your mansion with two cars and many annual ski trips. Unless you know of a surefire way to win millions in the lottery of course.
     

  • If you want more self-respect, you may have to let go of a few people from your social circle because they drain you and don’t nourish you.
     

  • If you want to lose weight, it’s a no-go to continue eating junk food even if it’s both easy and convenient.

Another instance of where change is really a pain in the butt is that you typically have to get rid of one habit or behavious to get another. A habit is very intrinsic part of what you do every day and a rule thumb says that you have to replace one behaviour with another to make it stick. And that takes time and it’s demanding, too. If you’re sufficiently motivated, you can get rid of one habit in a second. I had a family member who was told by her doctor that she could choose between the cigarettes or her legs. She couldn’t have both. She stopped smoking right then and there. It was about her very survival and that is the ultimate motivation.

 

To most people changing habits and patterns is about the level of motivation you have, what you’ve done previously in your life to change behaviours and how often you’ve done it. There are no fixed rules about how long it takes or how big the sacrifices will be.

 

Together with a good coach you can find exactly what it takes for you to change your behaviours. But remember only you know what it will take and there’ll always be a price to pay.

 

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