Så meget betyder mor / Mother's influence

Du kan være voksen og uafhængig - men normerne fra mor følger med /You may be grown and independent, but mother's norms are with you


Forleden oplevede jeg, at jeg pr. automatik gik ind i en bestemt butik, fordi da jeg var barn sagde min mor altid, at de havde god kvalitet. Det kan godt være, at det med kvaliteten stemmer, men jeg gik derind udelukkende, fordi det var et mønster, jeg har fået præget af min mor. Jeg havde faktisk overhovedet ikke nogen grund til at være der. Og det er helt normalt.


Hvis du tænker, at sådan nogen mønstre har du i hvert fald ikke, så prøv at lytte efter, hvad du siger om, at "man" gør. Det er typisk der, hvor du får afsløret dine egne faste overbevisninger. Det kan være noget med, at "man går i kirke juleaften", eller at "det er kedeligt at arbejde i kommunen" (ofte sagt af nogen, der aldrig har været der). Jeg havde en klient på et tidspunkt på 19 år, som var helt og aldeles overbevidst om, at han skulle være sælger. Det undrede mig lidt, for han var ikke sådan "sælgeragtig". Det viser sig så, at hans far synes, det er superflot at være sælger - bl.a. fordi faren selv er det. Så den ide havde sønnen arvet - og det var ikke en, der ville gøre ham lykkelig.


Hvad har du fx af faste udtryk og overbevisninger, som faktisk slet ikke er dine, men er nogen, du er vokset op med? Det kan være noget med, hvad "man" plejer at gøre på bestemte tidspunkter eller bestemte måder. Gavner de dig? Gør de dit liv bedre eller holder disse faste overbevisninger dig fast og væk fra det, du helst vil?


Og skulle du nu gå rundt og tro, at sådan nogen har I ikke i din familie, så prøv at spille ludo med nogen fra en anden familie eller hold jul med dem.



Mother's influence

The other day I happened to find myself in a shop where I'd walked in on auto pilot because when I was a child my mother always said that they sold good quality items. The thing about the quality may be true, but the only reason I went in there was because it's a pattern that was established by my mother. I actually had no reason whatsoever to be there. And that's perfectly normal.


If you're thinking that you don't have patterns like those, then try and listen to yourself when you make statements about what "you" do. That's where your core beliefs rear their possibly ugly heads. One example could be that "you go to church for Christmas" or that "working with the council is boring" - usually from people who've never been there. At one point, I had a 19-year-old client who was firmly convinced that he was going to be a salesperson. I was a bit surprised because he was not in the least "salesman-like". It turned out that his father thought that being a good salesman was the best in the world - probably because he was that himself. So that idea had been passed on to the son - and I doubt that it would make him happy.


Which core beliefs and convictions - that aren't really yours - do you have? Beliefs that you've grown up with and accepted. Usually it's about what "you" do at certain times or in certain ways. Do they contribute to your life? Do they improve your life or do they put limits on what you really want to do?


And should you claim that you don't have any of those in your family, try and spend Christmas with another family - or celebrate a holiday.

28 visninger

Mette Hvied Lauesen • Industriparken 4 • 2750 Ballerup • Denmark 

+45 26 18 61 90 • mhl(a)mettehl.dk • CVR: 27531385 • Bankkonto: 9070 1629896046

  • envelope-35394_1280
  • Grey Facebook Icon
  • Grey Instagram Icon
  • Grey Twitter Icon